Cycling Truths: The Art of the Quick Pee
Dutch pro cyclist Marijn de Vries shares her celebrated instructions for fast roadside relief in bib shorts
"The race waits for no one and especially not for women taking time to get undressed and pee on the side of the road. So, how do we do it?
(To all male readers, stop here if you prefer to think of women as creatures without kidneys or bowels, who only enter the toilet to clean. This information is not at all interesting for you anyway, unless you feel like sharing it with the women around you, which would be great. Anyway, you have been warned.) Ladies, to explain this technique in words is somewhat difficult, but here goes...
Pull one of the trouser legs up as far as possible.
Hold it from the inside with two hands. Put one at the front and put your other hand behind your back and grab the bib shorts from that position. Pull the trouser leg as far as you can towards the opposite leg. The position of the hands here is crucial: if you don’t follow the instructions, you’ll end up with wet hands. If you do it correctly, there’s an opening big enough to pee through.
Squat and pee.
The great thing about this technique is that it’s not only fast but there’s hardly any exposed flesh. If there’s a passer-by, they won’t see any nude body parts, let alone intimate nude body parts. And if you are a racing woman, it’s fast enough to hop back on your bike and find your way back to the peloton before the last team car has passed.
Not convinced by Marijn’s technique? Then get your hands on dhb’s Aeron Women’s Halterneck Bib Shorts, which offer a halter-top strap to provide brilliant bathroom-break accessibility. £70, wiggle.co.uk
Ride The Revolution celebrates the glorious, sometimes murky, often bizarre and frequently hilarious world of women’s cycling in all its soapy operatic glory. To find out more, visit bloomsbury.com
Marion de Vries | @marijnfietst
Illustration by Nimura Daisuke