How do you sneak a snot rocket?
Blowing one’s nose while cycling is always a challenge, so just how do you do it with dignity? We ask our esteemed Casquette audience for their honk hacks…
Every couple of weeks we’ll be going out to the Casquette audience to answer one controversial, practical or confusing question we know you want answered, but may be too afraid to ask.
To kick things off, we’re starting with a question that ticks all the boxes, being controversial, practical AND confusing in equal measure: how do you sneak a snot rocket? Here are the most common techniques you lovely lot shared.
The hang back and blow
This was by far the most popular result of our highly-scientific survey and shows that the Casquette audience is a cultured and rather polite bunch.
This time-honoured technique basically involves you drifting to the back of the group, then giving your nose a good clear, with some of you even carrying a hankerchief on rides to deal with the need.
The hang back and throw
Next up is a Super-hero-inspired variant of the hang back and blow, pioneered by none other than Casquette editor, Danielle Welton. The key difference between this and the vanilla version above is that the rider blows her nose directly into her hand before flinging the globulous handful into the nearest hedge, Spiderman-style. (If you think that’s gross, you should see the mess under her desk.)
Loud and proud
We got a fair few responses which lobbied for people to be loud and proud when getting rid of ride-induced cobwebs. Mandy on Twitter says that the key is to commit fully to the snot rocket. Half measures only lead to disaster.
“The first couple of efforts were too ‘dainty’ and I ended up with snot running down my leg,” reveals Mandy. “After that I committed, and now I’m a proficient snot rocketeer.”
One BIG point of etiquette that applies regardless of whether you proudly clear your proboscis or do it on the quiet, is that you’ve always got to check that there’s nobody behind you before going for it.
According to Esmé on Instagram: “haha - @loukew KNOWS how important this is. Honestly, I’ll never forget getting a face full of some dudes snot at Revolve.”
The stop and blow
The stop-and-blower prefers to halt the bike entirely before having a good old conk clear-out into an actual handkerchief or tissue.
“I can’t. I just can’t do it. I have to stop and get a tissue out. I’m terrified of snotting on myself, so can’t bring myself to even try it” - says Sam May, aka Fastflump72 on Instagram.
You may argue that this technique borders on overly conservative, but it’s not to be sniffed at.
The single-nostril salvo
This technique is properly pro and should be practised by only the most competent expungers of nose gunge. As Rebecca Charlton explains, the knack is to close one nostril at a time with the index finger of the opposite hand, thus creating space to your side. With a quick, powerful blow, you can then safely expel the contents of your schnoz.
There you have it, a veritable snotgasbord of options for evacuating your nasal cavities mid-ride.
As a final note, please remember that you mustn’t employ any of these tactics when you’re not on the bike. We thank you.